Changes

I'm going back to work part time in a few weeks and with the new year, the kids have started their new childcare schedules.  Two mornings a week Jill will go to S.H.E.D. which is a public school program for kids in half day kindergarten.  After S.H.E.D. she'll be bused to school.  And Peter will do two days of daycare with my mom filling in the gap of my third weekly workday.  


When Jill got wind of the plan last month, she was really upset.  Bryan and I were talking about the preschool and daycare tours I had done and Jill asked, "You're going to work?!"  This was not the first she'd heard of it, we'd talked together about what it would be like if I went back to work.    I said, "Yes, in February I'm going to start working a few days a week.  But I'll be home on Wednesdays and Fridays and I'll be home every day to get you at the bus."  


I was seated on the closed toilet lid giving Jill's teeth a final check on her brushing job, so we were face to face.  She pointed her finger in my face and said sternly, "I don't want you to."
  
Since then we've talked more about S.H.E.D. and she's wavered about whether or not she wanted to go.  On Monday night, the eve of her first day, Jill was in full tantrum mode, hysterically insisting that she would miss me and never wanted to be without me.  I listened for a while and gave some reassurance, thinking and maybe even telling her that S.H.E.D. was probably going to be a lot more fun than being with me.  They get to paint on large easels and make paper mache sculptures for goodness sake!  But I also tried to use my best active listening skills so I wasn't pitting myself against her by shooting down all of her concerns.  Finally I said, "You know, Jill, you're getting all upset and you haven't even seen S.H.E.D. yet.  You might really like it and then this would all be for nothing.  Tomorrow I'll go with you, and I'll stay with you, and if you don't want to stay the whole time you can come home for lunch and get on the bus like usual.  But on Thursday, you will go the whole day."


"ON THURSDAY I HAVE TO GO THE WHOLE DAY?!"  And the rolling around and yelling resumed.  I had reached my limit, "Listen, if you're going to spend the next two days worrying about Thursday, then we might as well do the full day tomorrow.  When you are ready to stop yelling come find me," and I left the room.  I know, that sounds harsh, but she was really pouring it on.


Later, a friend of mine came over to visit with belated Christmas gifts.  Jill walked into the room, whispered in my ear, "I don't feel so nervous of S.H.E.D. anymore," and gave me a hug.  I knew she'd be fine in the morning when she said, "I'm going to miss you, but I don't feel nervous.  Before I go to S.H.E.D. on Thursday, can you paint my nails?"  I was like, "Yeah, I can!  Let's paint them right now."  What a sweetie.  


Bryan dropped her off that day and he said she trotted into the room with no looking back.  When I greeted her at the school bus at the end of the day (hot chocolate in hand as promised in one of those tearful sessions) she was thrilled.  She thanked me for all of my motherly duties.  It was a long list, including signing her up for S.H.E.D., having her friends Calvin and Shannon over, and always helping everyone in the bathroom.  Hilarious!  It was like Mother's Day.


Peter's experience this week involved a lot less debate and angst.  This could be because he is three or maybe this dynamic is typical of mother/son versus mother/daughter relationships!  I brought Peter to his classroom to visit for an hour on Tuesday and he was enthralled with the water table and the glittery sand table.  Once he discovered the sand, I was irrelevant and he happily played while I handed over his extra clothes, sheet, and blanket for rest time.  When we were ready to go, he was reluctantly led away, looking a little like Lady Gaga from all the glitter.  


Peter spent a full day at daycare today and that drop off went well too.  The teacher said he had a good day, but struggled with some of the structured time.  A few times he got sad and announced, "I'm going to go find my mom."  That's heartbreaking!  But he even took an hour and a half nap (unheard of!) so overall it was a success.  


Please pray for Peter in week two that he'll be happy, make new friends, and be content as he begins to understand the relative permanence of the arrangement.  Prayers for the whole family during this transition would be good too.  :)